Nothing Gets Crossed Out

It's almost Thanksgiving. I haven't done anything. I've stayed home almost everyday. Every night is a nightmare waiting to happen. Every time I sleep, I see the Singularity begin.

I'm sure that is the End. That is going to happen. The world is a goner. Individuality, the trait I rally behind the most, is going to disappear. And the thing is, no one is going to care. No one will be able to care.

And I think I'm starting to not care about it.

Laura's been mad at me the past few days. I don't even remember why anymore. She keeps snapping at me. I can't do anything right. I can't bring myself to tell her about what I experienced.

I feel like I'm lost now. I have no idea what to do. How do we stop this impending disaster? How do I articulate this all to someone? And why do I have this sinking feeling that someone I know, or maybe even me, is going to cause this disaster?

I feel even more useless than after what happened after with Haligh and Arienette.

And Laura... I've made her far more important to myself than they ever were...

The past few days, I've been trying to be more productive about things. Even bought a calendar and marked it with important dates and planned out goals and a whole bunch of shit like that.

But nothing gets crossed out.

I'm afraid of what's going to happen.

Nothing's going to happen though. I have Lauren. What could happen...

And yet, as I sink into despair, I feel as if she doesn't care. Or even notice.

Don't Know When But A Day Is Gonna Come

I am so pissed off.

We were in one of those hick towns. Now, part of our cover, when hopping from town to town, is to play a show or two at a bar. You know, to get some cash. Fuck, we need the extra cash, considering we don't get much funding from Headquarters. By the way, I'm pissed at them too, but I'll explain why later.

The entire day, I had to put up with Christian, Conservative, closeminded bigots. I had to tolerate their slurs and their disgusting views on life and their horrible accents. Fuck I hated almost every minute of it.

I hate the Bible belt. I want to break it. Tradition here destroys others. Everything is an endless cycle of cruelty and ignorance. A campaign of self destruction and family arrogance prevents prosperity, order, and foundation upon these lands. I hate the Bible belt.

We were setting up in one of the local bars. Those redneck fuckers were everywhere, and they seemed to be getting anxious with us playing. I thought I heard someone remark while walking by, "Hippie bastards playing tonight, not watching that shit." Pissed me off. See, another thing about these fucking idiots; they judge from the outside. Just because we didn't wear cowboy boots and wore our hair down, that automatically made us "hippie bastards."

They all seemed to be staring at us with the expectations of failure. Well, that just... wow. That really pumped us up. We decided we were going to awe these fuckers. We were going to try our best to just blow them out of their dusty cowboy boots. We were going to, above all, scare them.

 So we started playing a certain cover by a certain band.

Is it true what I heard about the Son of God?  

The cowboys began to fidget when they heard those lyrics. Yeah, they could hear it. They could hear the menace in my voice. The raw aggression. I looked down at all of them, and chuckled inside. They were going to get such a kick out of this music.

Did he come to save? Did he come at all?

One of the cowboys in the back shook his head, and a lot of the other ignorant fuckers cringed. Yep, that's right. I'm questioning your goddamn faith. Kick my ass all you want after this show but dammit, right now, I have you right where I want you.

And if I dried his feet with my dirty hair,
would he make me clean again?

As the words flowed out of my mouth, I began to think back. Back to before all of this. Back to my childhood. All of those days standing in the pews, singing along to those songs about shit like faith and angels and choirs and all that. All those days spent, never thinking beyond the church wall.

They say they don't know when, but a day is gonna come.

I remember my father telling me about how the world was going to end soon. How he was "so sure" about it. That one day the moon would turn blood red and then how all that end of the world bullshit would begin. That he knew it was going to happen because he was helping it happen. And how I was going to too.

When there won't be a moon and there won't be a sun.

Yeah, he legitimately thought the Lonely Hearts were going to try ending the world. Crazy, right? I'm not defending them, don't get me wrong. But, come on! This isn't some kind of apocalypse movie. This is real life. They aren't going to destroy the world. Maybe hurt it. But not destroy it.

It will just go black, it will just go back
to the way it was before.

He only strengthened that feeling I've had my entire life. Like, a caged bird, with no control over my own freedom. And it seems like it's never going to change. It's always going to be this way. And the saddest part is, I'm alone. There's no yellow bird of mine coming to rescue me from the loneliness...


I knew a lovely girl with such pretty pride, 


And the cage metaphor brings me back to Haligh and the other one. How they weren't the yellow birds, that they weren't even close to that. They made it all worse. Especially the other one.

and every man wanted her, yeah, and so did I.

The Wooden Girl got so close to breaking me. She almost had me. I'm never going to be the same man after what she did to me.

Yeah, and so did I. But she up and died
in a fit of vanity.

And I look out to these rednecks and farmers and ignorant assholes. They're on the verge of throwing things, I can tell. They're all gripping their fists, trying to control their anger.

 Now men with purple hearts carry silver guns. 

If only they knew of the Monsters that plague the planet. If only they knew about the horrors that lurk the countrysides and peer into their bedroom windows. If only.

And they'll kill a man for what his father's done. 

They would shake in their cowboy boots if they knew. They'd have heart attacks. They would shit their pants. They would fucking panic. They can't handle this like I have. They have to lean against something else, now don't they?

 But what my father did, you know it don't mean shit.
I'm not him.

Maybe I'm letting my anger get the best of me. Maybe I'm overthinking this entire thing. I'm known to do that. A lot. It's a trait unique to me in my family. They don't think about anything they do. 

And you think I need some discipline, well, I had my share. 

But I know what I'm talking about, I'm sure of it all. I've experienced this so many times in our travels. People like this get used by The Lonely Hearts all the time. They abuse them and use them for their own schemes. They rule over these types of people.

I've been sent to my room. I've been sat in a chair. 
 

 I'm singing and I notice someone in the crowd. Someone so familiar it was sickening. Padriac. The bastard had taken human form. He never really left me. He's always been there, talking to me. He's never been strong enough to take human shape though....

And I held my tongue. I didn't plug my ears.
No, I got a good talking to.

He was pointing at someone. Someone in the far corner of the bar. Someone hiding behind everyone else. That person was apart of LIFTED. That person was a leader of another fellow team of ours, and he was watching every move that we were making.

Now I don't know why, but I still try to smile 

He was spying on us. They still didn't trust us all! We couldn't have just ran into him, teams aren't allowed to cross paths while on missions! And besides that, I knew he had a secretive agenda already; I could feel it via Padriac. This bastard was trying not to be seen....

when they talk at me like I'm just a child. 

 I've been apart of this organization for several months now, and they still do not trust me. They believe that I might misuse the Key still. Bastards...

Well, I'm not a child. No, I am
much younger than that.

And with Padriac and the realization that they were watching me clouding my mind, the anger that I was simply using the rednecks to take out on manifests as a hatred for the entirety of the world.

And now I've read some books and I've grown quite brave. 

People always think they have other people figured out. Including me. Here I am, ranting on and on about others, but really, I know nothing about them. I have no idea the struggles they've faced or what defines them as a person.

 If I could just speak up, I think I would say 

I don't know anything about anyone. I can't even figure my own self out. Not even my own team, I could ever hope to fully know. And Lauren Laurent... don't make me laugh. To me, she's probably as mysterious as space, or hell, the very depths of the oceans.

that there is no truth. There is only you
and what you make the truth.

These thoughts collide, and my head cools down a bit. Have to think clearly, have to not be so angry all the time. And yet, the anger was still there, below the surface. Nevertheless, I bit my tongue, put on the smuggest expression across my face I could, and kept on singing.

So I'll just sing my songs, and I'll pass a hat. 

This would all be over soon. After the show, we would be close to finally getting to our destination, and then we could head home.Then Lauren and I could get to know each other a bit more.  

 Then I'll leave your town and I'll never look back.

Yes. All I needed to do was calm down. Forget and let go. I had my friends, and they believed in me. Weren't they enough? No of course not. Lauren was enough though. But what if...

No, I don't look back because the road is clear
and laid out ahead of me.

 What if she leaves me? What if I become alone again? I can't... I can't deal with that. I wouldn't be able to. She means so much to me. Probably too much to me. I'm nothing without her love.

Now I'll get home, I'll meet my friends at our favorite bar.
We'll get some lighter heads for our heavy hearts.

I don't want to be alone again. I want to be loved. I want to love. Without getting hurt.

And we'll share a drink. Yeah we'll share our fears
and they will know how I love them

The nightmare of loneliness mixes in with the remnants of anger I manifested inside myself earlier, and they seep into my sight and my thoughts. The Key in my soul speeds up, and I look through a cracked window. A devastating sight meets my eyes.

 They will know how I love.
They will know how I love them.
I'm nothing without their love.

Fire licks the night sky, and the stars are nothing compared to the light it produces. They seem to almost be eating away at everything in the immediate landscape. The roar of the ocean nearby is nothing compared to the screaming of the flames. It's a fire wall.

Now I don't know when, but a day is gonna come 

At the center of the world, of this island in the middle of the ocean, is the singularity. It begins tiny but ends by encompassing all. This tiny dot sends out a wave, or rather a burst, of thoughts. These thoughts travel over the surface of the world, invading everyone's mind. And with their defenses distracted, the People's Key slowly works its way into every soul on the face of the planet.

when there won't be a moon and there won't be a sun.

Everyone is connected, and the apex of humanity increases until it's off a specific designation. Everything is living, and nothing is dying. Everyone is anyone and anyone is everyone; it's a circle, all leading to The People's Key. We are one individual, and we become no one. Free thought does not exist. We do not think, we feel. We are one and one is everything to nothing.

It will all go black. It will all go back
to the way it's supposed to be.

The world turns grey and we enter a machine spiritual. The machinery humanity used to depend on become the greatest weapon of the Neon God that emerges in the endtimes. The People's Key becomes its primary energy source, and then truly, humanity has become everything to nothing, to the Neon God we made.

Is it true what they say about the Son of God?
Did he die for us? Did he die at all?

A beer bottle almost smashes into my foot, waking me up from the hallucination. I find myself ready to scream my throat out... my emotions had gotten the better of me, and it almost seemed as if I had lost complete control over my body.

And if I sold my soul for a bag of gold to you,
which one of us would be the foolish one?

The crowd was on the verge of running onto stage and stopping our performance themselves. It scared us. The song was almost over, so we kept at it.

Which one of us would be the fool?
Which one of us would be the foolish one?
Which one of us would be the fool?

 Almost finished. Almost done. The band was ready to go. We were leaving without payment. We were going after one song. And I'm sure they wouldn't of had it any other way.

Could you please start explaining?
You know, I need some understanding.

We left that town and never looked back. I hate this job. I hate moving around. I thought, when signing up, that it would satisfy my "land locked blues." But it hasn't. It only makes me realize just how different we all are, and how especially different I am.

 I could do good with some explaining.
You know. I want to understand.

And I've seen the future, I think. I think that's what it was. If that is the future... Padriac, why'd you show me? What do you want me to do? Why? Why am I a Key? Is it related to this "People's Key?"

I want to understand. And maybe, my father was really, actually, onto something. 

Bowl of Oranges

Today has been an incredibly positive day. Everything has been extremely beautiful, and amazing, today. Despite the nightmares that plagued me during the night, I awoke to a peaceful morning. Despite it raining outside. Actually, the rain may have made everything much better. Calmer.

I'm home. I'm home with Lauren. And I love her. That's why everything feels so...worth it.

I'm afraid of this feeling. I know it's going to blow up in my face. I know how this is going to end.

But I just cannot stop.

I'm in love with her.

And I can't stop.

She was having nightmares too today. I calmed her down. She was upset with the ultimate inevitable fate everyone suffers; death. I almost felt a bit... mad about that. She was just now realizing that subject? I had my own little crisis when I was only 11. Then again, I'm a special case....

I convinced her that life is beautiful. Despite the nightmares. Despite the rain clouds.

It's all a beautiful picture and we're apart of it.

And yet I know this painting is destined to fall off of the wall and be ripped apart. And I know that I love this girl too much and she'll never love me as much as I do her.

But I'm not going to think about that right now. I'm going to listen to the rain tapping against the windows.

It's a beautiful day.

Lover I Don't Have to Love

Things have changed. The entire group's dynamic is different now.
Especially my relationship with Lauren Laurent.

We were in some room at some house party. Just me and Laura. She wanted to know everything about Arienette. Apparently, she considered my mental health her business....

One thing led to another. I don't remember much. Things are so hazy...

One second, I was telling her that I didn't want to be hurt again, and I didn't want to hurt again, and then she's on top of me, and then we're in the bed and then...

The Key inside of me activates, by itself.
We're both dragged elsewhere, somewhere.

As in, we weren't on the bed anymore.

I found myself outside of a club. The sky was pitch black, and it smelled like it should have been snowing. Crowds of people gathered around the club, but it just all seemed...so out of focus, I guess. They didn't matter. They almost seemed out of color.
Except for one pair of shoes that stood out throughout the entire crowd.

I picked her out of the crowd, and talked to her. She looked at me, and in her eyes, I saw the destruction of Arienette and all the lies inside of me. I don't know her, and yet I completely do; it's Lauren
I told her I liked her shoes.
She says thanks, and then asks if she could follow me.
I feel so horrible in that moment. I figure that I have a choice in that precise moment:

Do I let her in?
Or do I shut her out and keep her safe?

She doesn't give and answer, and I wasn't expecting one. I let my shoes guide her shoes. We weaved in and out of the crowd, traveling to the stairwell at the other end of the building. We climbed it, shoes bouncing up the steps one by one.

Down a hallway, to the left, into a door, onto the bed, shoes off, lights off; conscious thought, off.

Skin against skin, eye to eye, feet close together, hands clenched and clasped; she had such Bright Eyes.

She embraces me, comes close. Her breath brushes past and over my cheek. Cold and sweet. I kiss her, and push her down, and then position myself over her. I grip her shoulders down, and she whispers:

"You write such pretty words-"

And then I scream:

"But life's no story book!!"

And then she says:

"Love's an excuse to get hurt...."

And I add on:

"...and to hurt."

And then yeah. Stuff happened. I made the decision. Everything's either fucked up... or right, again.

I guess only time can tell, eh?

We went to sleep in that someplace else and awoke sitting next to each other, naked, in a hotel room on a couch. I have no idea how we got to that room. Or this hotel. It's completely different than the hotel we've been staying at. But it's not like we sleptwalk thousands of miles. This hotel is right across and up the street from that other hotel.

We're about to meet back up with the rest of the group. Going to have to come clean. Can't keep this a secret. Fuck.

And on top of it all, Headquarters is pissed at us for some reason. I don't know why, so don't ask.

Anyways. Got to go.

I hope this doesn't ruin things again. Please don't let it.

You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will.

As I'm writing this, I can see the ghost of someone in the corner of my vision.

It's a mixture of my memories of two people, actually. The Key has manifested an image of my memories of Arienette and Haligh. Or is it really The Key? What is this thing? Why is it here?

She's saying I abandoned her, that I've been mistaken this entire time, that she's stuck in a web and she needs me to pull her out, to hurry up

God I'm moving towards her. I feel as if I'm about to be entangled again-

lauren's here, with a gun

shit sh

I guess it wasn't the Key after all.
Or perhaps, not entirely the Key.

On the ground, there was some girl. She didn't look anything like Arienette.
She had strings attached to her.

Lauren's trying to ask if I'm alright or whatever, but I know what this means, we've got to go on to the next town, and quick.

False Advertising

We picked the perfect time of day to show up at the club. The Wooden Girl was nowhere to be seen there, and it was confirmed in the official reports later that she had been all the way on the other side of the country anyways at the time of the raid. If she had been there, we all probably would have been killed.

The night found us on top of the club. There, Michael was setting up some type of machine. I still don't entirely understand how it worked, or how he actually got it to work, but it basically a giant marionette...pulley...thing. From a hole in the roof, they were going to lower me into the party that was occurring below us. I would be strapped to a wire, and dressed up to look like a Doll (what The Wooden Girl's servants are called...I'm sure you know what they are though, if you're actually reading this journal).

Usually, Dolls aren't stupid. They know when someone is one of them or not. However, the Key inside of me would hide whatever Dolls can detect. I would almost be invisible to them, all I had to do was blend in and attract little attention. The Key can be such a handy tool when it's not busy fucking up my life.

We had two goals in the infiltration: To assassinate a certain Doll, and to steal info from their archives. I got the bloody part of the job, while the newbie, Lauren, was stuck with the other part. Micheal, Nathan, and Corina would be guarding the pulley system and watching out for us.

After all was said and done, we were to call in a special squad to "clean up" the place.
As in, kill em all.

The operation began at quarter past 9 PM. I was attached to the pulley system, in a strap, ready to be lowered down. Michael switched the machine, gave me a dorky thumbs up, and I was lowered down into the dim building.

Before me, there was a grand red curtain. A giant stage laid out under me, and in front of the stage, there were many tiny tables, with Dolls sitting at them. They were drinking, laughing, and basically having fun.
They almost seemed human.

While most of the dolls were sitting down, many of them were swing and swaying magically in the air like I was. It unnerved me to see them doing that at first, but as the night went on, I got used to it.

My Key was busy hiding my -humanity- and -fear- from the Dolls. I was basically almost entirely blended into them already. I still had to move like and act like a doll, to divert any unwanted attention, though.
Music was playing, and many other dolls were swaying to the beat; I followed the rhythm.
To keep to the beat, I sung softly along with the Dolls.

On a string-~
On a string-~
On a string, I was held
The way I move, can you tell?
My actions are orchestrated from above
And so I swing and I'll sway...
Wave my hand, kick my leg...
And it's always right with the music.

As I swung on the wire, I manipulated my tilt and direction until I was finally situated where I could get a good look on everyone in the club. I was looking for someone by the name Candace McKellum; she wasn't hard to miss. She had dyed purple hair, and wore black gothic dresses all the time.
This was going to be a piece of cake.

Until all that swaying starts to make you sick

I searched throughout the crowds. I couldn't see any purple hair, but near the door, I could see an extremely tall, muscular man. He was shirtless, and was wearing some type of weird triangular hat with a metallic star on top of it. That man's name was Xavier, and he was famous for always being with Candace.

At that second, I worried about Lauren.
She was supposed to bust into a vault in one of the rooms backstage.

I pushed her out of my mind. She'll do fine. I just needed to focus on my job.

So I started to swing over to Xavier....
I saw Candace behind Xavier; I began to think up a plan.

For a song, I was bought;
Now I lie, when I talk,
With a careful eye on the cue cards.
Onto a stage, I was pushed,
With my sorrow, well rehearsed.
So give me all your pity and your money now,
All of it.

 I dodged the dancing, floating bodies of the dolls surrounding me. I moved effortlessly through the crowd, gliding towards my target. I had to make this absolutely perfect. One hit, one kill. After the bodyguard was down, I would silence Candace.

We used to think that sound was something pure

 Lauren was expected to sync up with me; exactly when I killed the target, we were expected to grab onto a pulley and get of there.

I let my feet touch the floor, and manipulated the string into slacking a bit.

I was almost there....

But if I could act like this was my real life,
And not some cage where I've been placed...
Well, then I could tell you the truth like I used to.
And not be afraid of sounding fake.
Now all everyone's listening for are the mistakes...

 I was approaching from behind him now. His back was just so enormous! I got my handy dandy knife out, and readied myself to thrust it into him...

Now, I would like to point out that our organization, LIFTED, gives us pills to take before each mission. You see, when humans are exposed to too much danger, and too much influence from -The Fears-, they may fuck up missions from time to time. LIFTED gives us medicine to take that calms us down, chills us out, and helps us make rational decisions. It's pretty ingenious.

This is why when I heard Lauren trip over a table and send glass cups to the floor, grabbing the attention of everyone in the bar, I didn't panic, and neither did she.
The music stops.

"I'm sorry!", she shouted.

 

"No, it's ok, it's ok...
One, two, three,
One, two, three-"

I say while spinning the wire I was attached to like a lasso. I threw it onto Xavier's hand, and pulled it away from his body. While he was confused, I stabbed right into the center of his chest.

The music starts up again.


Lauren ran over, and stood behind me. She had a gun with her. I pointed out our target, and she killed her.


It was a bit anticlimactic, honestly. Not one final speech or anything from Candace. Bit of a shame, since she had caused so much grief for us and regular Runners. Just a bullet, a scream, a splash of blood, and a thud.
Goodbye, you bitch.


The Dolls were ready to tear us apart. They had encircled us.
Luckily, Nathan and his master aiming skills took care of scaring them away from actually attempting to hurt us. Nathan watched from above with his sniper rifle, and took a shot at any Doll that got too close.

Michael started the pulley machine or whatever it was, Lauren grabbed onto me, and we began to be pulled back up to the hole that was cut into the dark ceiling.
It all felt too easy, somehow. I could have sworn one of the bastards smiled up at me as we left.

While on the way up...I felt...I don't know.
I glanced at Lauren while going up, and she just looked so much like Arienette.

I promised I'd never speak or write of that name again.
Goddammit. She's changing me.
Lauren's won, she's gotten under my skin first.

Isn't that just wonderful.

We all quickly got off the roof of the building and got into the timeless van.

The Kill Squad entered as we left.
I'll never forget the Dolls' screams.

We're off to the next part of our journey. For this part, we're going to have to get a bit more personal with each other, and the enemy. It's taking place in the next town over.

Meanwhile, we're just chilling at a local operative's house. We're even having a party.
At least, they are. I can't handle all this noise, and Lauren's looking at me from across the room.
I'm going to sit in another room, alone.

In a house, by myself.
I hear the ice, start to melt.
And I watched the rooftops weep for the sunlight,
And I know what must change:
Fuck my face, fuck my name.
They are brief and false advertisements

For a soul, I don't have.
Something true, I have lacked.
And spent my whole life trying to make up for,
But I found, in a song,
And in the people I love.
They will lift me up out of darkness.

And now my door, it stands open;
I'm inviting everyone in.
We're gonna laugh, we're gonna drink ...
Until the morning comes
That's what we're gonna do!
Come on!
Come on!

Method Acting

The past few days, Laura and I have been trying to figure each other out. You see, we both seem to be actors, in the sense that we rarely show our true selves to anyone else except the ones we love most in the world. We're method actors, figuratively.

She's getting better at hiding her anxiety about working for LIFTED. She almost appears excited about taking lives, about burning things down now. It's almost cute, so innocent minded...

The days are going to get more chaotic for her. She won't get sleep many nights in result of this. Sooner or later, if she isn't already having nightmares, she'll start having every week. Objects are going to start blurring together in her peripheries. She's going to doubt her sanity every second of the day.

And the Deathwatches are always going to be there, ticking away, no matter what.
They never stop.

 And the entire time this is happening, you body forces you to smile. It just can't accept all that turmoil is actually happening inside of it, so it just forces itself to think its healthy, happy. But it's not.

I can't make sense of any of this most days. I just know what LIFTED tells me to fear. And that's it.

The van's taking us down to our next destination in the next state. I'm a bit nervous, what with Laura being with us and all. I'm just afraid she's going to mess up the mission somehow. I guess that's a normal feeling though, after all she is new. Mistakes should be expected from her.

We will be infiltrating one of my Monster's main bases in the Eastern part of the country. I haven't seen her in almost two years; The Wooden Girl. She's my most prominent enemy, it seems. But I know I can handle her now. I know I can defeat her.

I'm not scared of her anymore.

I was having a conversation with Laura early today. We were discussing how exactly are we supposed to have the upper hand against The Fears; how do we win against them, in some way?

She told me the solution is to love, and to be loved.

The Big Picture

We're in a van, all together now.

It's me, Mike, Nathan, and Corina; I've known the three of them for almost a year now. We've been through many things, we've been down many roads, and we're now all good friends. I never thought I'd be able to have that, a friend, not with The Key's influence in my life. But, I've made many now.

I'm doing better now. Therapy ended a few weeks ago, and I feel as if my mind isn't in shambles anymore. I feel put together, I feel as if I can finally find a place to level out.

This Organization has been extremely kind to me. They've paid my bills, they've set me up with jobs when I needed the money, they've basically helped me get back on my feet. I'm devoted to them at this point.

They know about The Key, and for once,...they don't want it. In fact, they want to keep it safe from others who want it instead. Others with Keys inside of them are also members of the organization; for example, Nathan and Mike. The Keys tend to congregate in "teams", to keep us all together so that when we're attacked, we can protect each other. I'm in a team with Mike and Nathan for this very reason.

The pastures we're passing by right now look so peaceful...

This morning, we were called in to home base. Recently, the home base was moved from the West Coast to the East Coast, so we're still getting used to the Eastern Seaboard and the new location. I still haven't really even settled in to my apartment yet.

We were called in to complete a mission; a special new mission.

We were to collect a new team member, who just happened to be a Key also; Laura Laurent. It was going to be hard adjusting to another newbie. I remember when Corina joined, a few months back. She was not a good fit at first, but after about a month or so, she's gotten used to this lifestyle.

That's why we're in this van right now, we're heading off to meet the newbie and pick her up.

It's so cold outside right now, Christ.

And here we are. I'll keep writing down my thoughts as we meet her; maybe it'll trick her into thinking I'm taking notes on her or something, ha.

She's a tiny girl. Not really short, but just tiny framed. She's wearing sunglasses, ...I don't like that, can't see her eyes. My training's getting in the way, that's funny. The eyes are an important part of our job.
She has bright eyes.

Her hair is dark brown. Smooth. She has pale skin. She almost looks like-

She's getting into the van. She's friendly enough, but she seems closemouthed at the same time also.

I'm going to talk to her over the van ride. I'll add onto this entry with my thoughts about her, and then I'll end it. It's so weird, I never thought I'd write in a journal like this again....

....

She's so innocent. She just doesn't seem to get the type of situation she's in now. She's being chased by humans, animals, and Monsters, and yet it doesn't seem to scare her. She's so numb sounding, so cold.

She reminds me of myself, a bit. The look in her eyes, the way she talks, her viewpoint on life,...

And she believes in a God also. I think that's my biggest problem with her. She thinks that there's some bearded man in the clouds that'll lift her up when she dies?

No. There isn't. The only thing that will lift you high, is the organization.

The Organization's name is LIFTED for a reason.

I hope her sanity stays intact throughout the upcoming ordeals. We've got another mission soon, and I'm afraid that it might be too much for her to handle.

Til next time.

The picture is far too big to look at, kid; your eyes won't open wide enough!
And you're constantly surrounded by that swirling stream of what is and what was, 

Well, we've all made our predictions, but the truth still isn't out.

But if you wanna see the future, go stare into a cloud!

And keep trying to find your way out of that maze of memories....
It all sort of looks familiar, until you get up close and it's different, clearly.
But each time you turn a corner, you're, you're right back where you were,
and your only hope is that forgetting might make a door appear.

Well, is it your fear of being buried that makes you so afraid to speak?
An avalanche of opinions like the one that feel that I am now underneath.
It was my voice that moved the first rock, and I would do it all again.
So, I mean, it's cool if you keep quiet, but I like singing!

So I'll be holding my note and stomping and strumming and feeling so very lucky.

There is nothing I know except this lifetime's one moment
and wishing will just leave me empty.

So you can try and live in darkness, but you will never shake the light.
It will greet you every morning, and it will make you more aware with its absence at night,
when you're wrapped up in your blankets baby, that comfortable cocoon.
But I have seen the day of your awakening boy, and it's coming soon!

So go ahead and lose yourself in liquor and you can praise the clouded mind,
but it isn't what you're thinking no, it's the course of history, your position in line.

You're just a piece of the puzzle so I think you'd better find your place.
And don't go blaming your knowledge on some fruit you ate!

Cause there's been a great deal of discussion, yes, about the properties of man.
Animal or angel? You were carved from bone, but your heart, it's just sand.
And the wind is going to scatter it, and cover everything with love.
So if it makes you happy, then keep kneeling Mama, but I am standing up!
Because this veil, it has been lifted. Yes, my eyes are wet with clarity.
I've been a witness of such wonders. Oh, I've searched for them all across this country
but I think I'll be returning now to the town where I was born.

And I understand you must keep moving friend, but I am heading home.
Yeah I'm gonna follow the road and let the scenery sweeping by easily enter my body.
And I'll send you all this message in code, 

under ground, 

over mountains,
through forests, 

deserts and cities.
All across the electric wire, it's a baited line. 

The hook is in deep boys, there is no more time. 

So you can struggle in the water and be too stubborn to die,or you could just let go, and be lifted to the sky!!