Let's Not Shit Ourselves (To Love And Be Loved)

I'm in a car driving as fast as I can down a highway. No cars are in sight, but that would soon change. Soon the highway would flood with vans, with the goal of stopping me, no matter what the means to stopping me were. There are no civilian cars tonight; it almost seems as if we're not even in the same world anymore.

I drink away at the bottle in my hand, chugging down the alcohol without any tact whatsoever. I was drunk, almost, or getting there. Despite this, my driving does not become reckless.

I look into the rearview mirror. No cars yet. Gotta go faster then. Catch up you bastards!!

Padriac is laughing away at the center of my mind. I laugh along with him. Ha ha! So funny! We were going to finish it all with one final ride!! One last hurrah!!!! Our swan song.

This was all going to end in a crash, no matter what. I was leading them all to my death.

My life rushes past along with the scenery. It's night and day and then nothing as the sun and moon disappear and are replaced with the tapestry of memory. I look alongside my car and see my own face racing along the horizon. Ain't I such a cute little boy!!

The tapestry shows failure after failure; all leading up to the present day. I laugh, I cry, I smile, I frown. Just so damn sad, it was funny! A life full of failure and regret. A life full of me trying so hard, putting my expectations of myself so high, and yet, always falling down.

A life of me going "That's it, I give up, no more."

I tell myself that if I just hope and keep on keeping on, that things will get better. That I just need someone to lift me up out of this shit. Well is that really true? Or more accurate of a question...

Is that really what I deserve?

I chuckle to myself as I scream along with the music in the car. Full blast! Such awesome music. Padriac fucking loved the music; emotional lyrics, eat yer heart out, fuckyeah, this is the shit.

Here I am having a personal crisis while driving down the road as fast as I can. Isn't that lovely.

My mind suddenly lingers on the subject of death, and how petty my problems seem compared to it. How everyone would die because of me. Well not technically but still.

Nothing is going to die if nothing is living.

The wilderness surrounds the highway and gets closer and closer. As this happens, I notice new vans joining this road and they begin chasing after me.

That's right. Come get me.

IF YOU WANT THIS KEY, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WORK FOR IT.

This whole thing started on the highway, and it was going to end on the highway.

I look to my side again. It shows me, and my faith and optimism slowly being crushed. Isn't that just wonderful? Your dreams getting crushed, I mean.

Especially after you realize you mean nothing to the universe.

Why do only I notice this? Laura never noticed this. No one does except me, it seems. Who should I blame for all of this? Who did this to me? Who made me realize this?

The vans get closer.

Bullets fire past my car. Oh they were shooting at me now. Wasn't that just terrific.

Stop. I'm having a realization here dammit.

This entire country is like me. Pointing the finger at everyone but the person who has caused it all. It's me. It's always been me, putting my faith into everything and everyone except myself. So when this person or thing crashes, I crash along with it.

Dumbass George Bush. Never voted for your ass get out of office.

I take another swig from the bottle.

I'm screaming now, along with the song.

I look back to Laura's face. How calm she looked when we found her in the one of the Lonely Hearts vans. And she was breathing. Oh god, she was breathing. Marcus hadn't hurt her. God I hate that bastard. Pretended to love her, than used her.

Told the team to take her. I would make the Lonely Hearts focus on me.

Minutes later, after robbing a liquor store and pharmacy via Key powers, I'm on the road.

The Lonely Hearts is like this country too. They destroy everything, and make things worse. Their ignorance of individuality hurt everyone and cause more conflict than anyone can hope to cease.

One of the vans slams into the back of my car. We collide and I drive off the road, taking the van with me. We tumble down into the Wilderness, and I'm laughing.

As we fall, I feel myself slowly fade away.




I awake, and let out a heavy sigh of relief.

I'm in a hospital bed. A Chicago hospital bed. My entire body hurts, but nothing is broken; probably because of the Key. I look around, and notice someone in the corner, sitting.

It's my father... he's staring out the window. Staring so far away. He hasn't shaved in days, and he also probably hadn't had a bath in days either. He looks over, and notices that I am awake; he does not smile.

My throat was so sore, so dry. Had to say anything, something, so I tried to speak. I ended up whispering only, "So sorry, so selfish...", but he interrupts me.

"Child, I love you regardless, and there's nothing you could ever do that would ever change this."

I love my father.

"I'm not angry; it happens."

That used to be his catchphrase. He would always say that to us after we made a mistake.

I start crying.

"But you just can't do it again..."

And then he begins to cry.

But he's smiling. He never smiles.

I had been so selfish, so reckless. I forgot about my own family and friends. Even before this whole "Sacrificing myself to save Laura" business. Killing myself wouldn't of worked, I would of only been resurrected. I had known that but did not care. All I wanted to do was save Laura and end it all.

But Laura isn't the only thing that should be important to me. I put too much faith into her. I wanted her to lift me out of the darkness, to save me. I put her on a pedestal.

But she was only a girl. Just like how I am only a boy.

I'm on a stage, singing the very song that I had sung in that car. I'm screaming, practically.

So now I try to keep up, I've been exchanging my currency,

While a million objects pass through my periphery.

Now I'm rubbing my eyes, cause they're starting to bother me;

I've been staring too long at the screen...

But where was it when I first heard that sweet sound of humility?

It came to my ears in the goddamn loveliest melody.

How grateful I was then to be part of the mystery;

To love and to be loved!!

Let's just hope that is enough. 

  

The entire band is up here with me. I am surrounded by my friends and my family. We're not playing in a bar this time, but in my parent's very own backyard.

I have finally discovered what I am living for.

I have finally discovered a purpose.

I just wish Marcus had not escaped. We had intended to keep him, but we had to leave him tied to a chair back at the place he had taken Laura and I to. 

But I'm ready for whatever happens.

Padriac and I both are.

It's lucky we survived, though. Apparently, the tall dark Monster; "The Slender Man" saved me.

It brought us to my parents house, despite me being far away; as in, on the other side of the country, far away. Why did it do that?

What side is everyone on?

Anyways, I think this may be the last time I write for a while, journal. Sorry.

I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts. 

Laura Laurent

I let myself get caught by them.

I was about 4 miles outside of Chicago, waiting under a tree. They rolled up in about five vans. Four men jumped out of one of the vans; they all had pocketwatches hanging from around their neck. They wore suits, and all four seemed to be quite old.

They surrounded me, and pointed their pocketwatches towards me. Before I could say, "I surrender, just give Laura up to us" they somehow knocked me out. I don't know how. All I remember is four flashes, and suddenly, I'm in a chair; dazed and confused.

In a chair, and before me is a man partially covered in shadows. His face is innocent and charming, but I know that he's a monster underneath the mask; his eyes reminded me of wolves' eyes. So bright, and yet, so dark. His hair is cut short, and his suit is finely pressed and clean. He looked like an important individual.

The room wouldn't stop spinning. So dizzy.

He was wearing a name tag; "Marcus." His name was Marcus.

He faces me, and smiles.

"Well, you're awake now! Hello! Let me introduce myself; my name is Marcus, and I am going to be with you in your last few hours."

I struggle to speak. My throat hurt, and my mouth was extremely dry.

"Last few hours... what do you mean? You're going to kill me?"

He laughs.

"No! Of course not! I can't kill you; or rather, I will not. You are integral to this company's future. No, I need to eradicate you, as in, yourself. As in, everything but your body, The Key, and Padriac's energy."

 "So you can bring about the Singularity or whatever..."

His grin vanishes.

"...So you know about that. That wasn't in our plan. We did not expect Padriac to turn against us. No matter. What's done is done. This will not hurt anything in the slightest."

He walks out of my sight. I only hear his footsteps.

The room is silent for a full minute before I speak up.

"Where is Laura."

He walks back into view. In his hand, he is holding an album.

Lifted, or The Story Is In The Soil, Keep Your Ear To The Ground; Bright Eyes.

And as he shows me the vinyl record, he begins to sing:

Laura, are you still living there
On your estate of sorrows?
You used to leave it occasionally
But now you don't even bother
To ride that commuter train, west to Chicago
To stroll through the greenery in the park past the statues
How their eyes seemed to follow you like a hated addiction
Their beauty carved out of absolutes that you could never claim
Or even envision

He was singing from a track called Laura Laurent.

My mind refuses to notice that she shares the same name as the song.

"...That answers nothing! You bastard... let me know where she is, or I'll use the power of the Key to-"

Before I can realize it, Marcus has a gun out and his finger presses down on the trigger. Pain explodes throughout my body, and blood scatters everywhere. One drop lands on Marcus' cheek.

I feel myself die... darkness consumes all... but then, I'm alive again.

"Amazing... I never thought the Key would be that thorough. We've seen healing before, but never at this rate. Is this even what one could call "healing?" It's like time reversed. All the blood is gone..."

And he was right. Vision completely returns, and I notice that the wet feeling of the blood was gone, and there was no traces of it anywhere on my body.

My chest had been healed.

Marcus laughs.

"What did you do to Laura...?!" I gasp out. The wounding from the gun had taken alot out of me.

In the distance, I could hear Padriac screaming from afar. 

Marcus opens his mouth again, and sings.
 

Laura, you were the saddest song
In the shape of a woman
Yeah, I thought you were beautiful
But I wept with your movements
But I hope that you're laughing now from that place on the carpet
Where we shared a sleeping bag in your sister's apartment
Oh, how she would worry so
You know, I was just a stranger

 But she asked me to care for you, yes she did
And I went and betrayed her

He was still playing around with me.

 

I kept myself calm. I didn't completely lose it.

 

"Only a few more seconds..." I think to myself.

 

He begins to sing again. In his hand, is a pocketwatch. He slowly gets closer to me...

 

But do you know we're in high demand, Laura, us people who suffer
Because we don't take to arguing
And we're quick to surrender
Well, I think I would call tonight if I still had your number
Your thoughts have always lain close to mine
Yeah, we were both skipping supper
But you should never be embarrassed by your trouble with living
Because it's the ones with the sorest throats, Lau-

He could not finish the final part of the song because of my teammate Nathan attempting to stab him directly in the back. Unfortunately, Marcus seemed to have been aware of Nathan, and jumps to the side.

The pocketwatch falls to the floor, and in the scuffle, it gets knocked away somewhere.

And then the rest of the team emerge from the shadows and begin to close in on Marcus. Marcus tries to get his gun but Nathan kicks it away from his hand.

"Everybody!!" I shout.

There were far more than just Corina, Mike, and Nathan now.

Our team had grown incredibly once we started recruiting for others interested in taking down the traitors. 

 

We all surrounded him, and to fuck with him, we were chanting the "la la la" part of the song.

 

Now he's tied up and we will soon know where Laura Laurent is. 

From a Balance Beam

There is a man holding a megaphone
So he must have been the voice of God
The bystanders claimed they saw angels
Flying up and down the block
Well, they must have been attached to wires
I saw one laying in the lawn with a broken arm
So I called 911
So that's one less founded opinion
One more cause for a dispute
So the street filled like a basin
Up with cameras and their crews
And they washed away the rumors
Leaving just the concrete truth
It was a spectacle
No, I, I mean a miracle
So then I fell like that girl from a balance beam
A gymnasium of eyes were all holding on to me
I lifted one foot to cross the other and I felt myself slipping
It was a small mistake
Sometimes that's all it takes

Now I'm staring at my wrist
Hoping that the timing is right
When the planets will align
There will be no planets to align
Just the carcass of the sun
And those little painted marbles
Spinning senseless through an endless black sky



He showed me... things today. Padriac.

He showed me what would happen if The Lonely Hearts get their hands on me again. What would specifically happen, not just a vague vision.

First, they would force me into submission by subjecting my mind to some sort of neutralizing force. After that's accomplished, they would fully utilize the power of the Key.

I would cause worldwide devastation. I would travel around the world, and would use the Key to absorb energy from.. people.

The energy inside of the Key is partially created by sacrificing other people.

I nearly vomited after learning that. 

And The Key inside of me is literally a key... that is also an egg. It's confusing. It's a key that will activate a door inside of the interior of the Key that will open and release a Fear.

Ultimately, the plan leads me to Kashmir; there, everything goes blank. Padriac doesn't know what's there. But whatever it is, it increases the Key's power significantly. Like, almost to demi-God power.

A year or so after that, I am scheduled to appear in the center of the Pacific Ocean.

In The People's Key.

As in... that's the name of an island.

An island I've been to before.

The island Arienette and I retreated to.

We retreated to... the island I'm destined to head to by The Lonely Hearts anyways...

They let me go there. They probably had their eyes on me the entire time.

I only got that far into the vision. I nearly drowned in my bathtub. I was partially submerged in the water.

When I sat up from under the water, I emerged as Padriac. I was no longer me.

I have no idea what he did. He didn't do much. We didn't leave the room.

I felt.. different once I regained control.

As if I was whole again.

As if the Demons were finally at bay.

But then it all came crashing down when I got that phone call;

Laura Laurent is being held hostage, and the ransom is going to be me.

It was in a foreign hotel's bathtub
I baptized myself in change
And one by one I drowned all of the people I had been
I emerged to find the parallels were fewer
I was cleansed
I looked in the mirror and someone new was there
Still I was as helpless as a chess piece
When I was lifted up by someone's hand
And delivered from the corner
My enemies had got me in
But in all of my salvation I still felt imprisoned inside
That holding cell that is myself
So I wait for the day when I'll hear the key
As it turns in the lock and the guard will say to me
"Oh, my patient prisoner, you have waited for this day and finally
You are free! You are free! You are freezing"

Now I'm staring at the sun waiting for it to explode
Because a day is gonna come
Don't know when but it will come
And then we will finally know the way out of here

And I will throw away this wrinkled map
And my chart of stars and compass, cracked
And I'll climb that tree all wet with sap
To avoid the hungry beasts below
I'll cut out my lover's tongue and sing
Of a graveyard gray and a garden green
And then we won't have worry no more
No, we won't ever worry again
About how this song or story ends
About how this song and story will end